Douglas

This post has layers to it so I will do my best to explain myself without making your head buzz.

As some of you may know, this summer was very emotional with Musman. If you don't know about it you can read it here.

My network of people that exist within the bubble are a good crop of people. I'm lucky. I'm lucky enough to have people that love me. And who I, in return get to love back. So, when life decides to kick you in the pants and screw up your karma I go into damage control. I can't help it. I don't take it on in most situations as my own but, I do whatever I can to support. Whether that is physically or emotionally. Even when my own pain is sometimes overbearing. I can't even believe I'm going to say this however, sometimes it's not always about me.

WHAT?

In the afternoon after that dreadful morning with Mus we gathered at my house and mourned the loss of that little booger. My Sister-In-Law Holly [who I don't blog about to much because she's kinda private] is one of my closest friends, neighbor and part of my family. We spend copious amounts of time together - dog walking - coffee runs - snowshoeing - shopping - gossiping [so, so what we do that!] We're pretty much glued at the hip. And those Pike boys should be grateful cause even though we get in girly arguments it could be a lot worse.

When your furry little friends leave you forever, something changes in you. I don't know if it is a loss of innocence, a crappy knowledge about life but for me anyway I think it hardens you a little. Seriously, how much more can the heart take. I've been through this three times in less than five years. It kinda makes you want to get a gold fish. And when someone experiences this for the first time. It is never ending pain. It is constant confusion, blame, guilt and a big ole bucket of misery and self pity. There is nothing that anyone can say to you that makes it better. There is nothing anyone can do for you that will make you "feel" better. All you want is for God to push the button on the time machine and for once give you one of those miracles they are always talking about in the good book. And then, you're just pissed off at the world.

During those times of excessive crying over Schultz I reached a point in my head that first dreadful day where I actually thought I was going to die from the pain. I couldn't breath, my head was about to pop, I was hot, I felt sick and if someone had given me a baseball bat I would have smashed everything in sight. [ok maybe i need anger management, don't judge me.] When I saw this happening to Holly, I knew I had to do something really fast.

This is when I told Holly that when Douglas arrives it will be a whole new adventure. Not the same, not the replacement but very different. I don't know why I said Douglas, except it seemed such a funny name. It was the only thing that made her laugh that day. THE ONLY THING. I knew at that moment that she was going to be OK and that she was going to have a difficult emotional road ahead of her. But she managed to laugh even though it felt wrong to do so.

I promised my Musman that's what I would do. And that folks is why I'm stuck on Douglas if you must know. Let him be "officially named" anything on paper. He was already in my heart before he arrived and I can't change that.

Without further ado, please allow me to introduce: Douglas The Dominator

And don't think he didn't already get a talking to about the shoes he's filling. This freckled nugget will be at his forever home on November 6th!!

A quote from one of my favorite movies. "Whether we like it or not time marches on and eventually you realize its marchin right across your face."