220,752,000 seconds

there isn't a moment that you have not been in the front of my mind. after seven years i sometimes find myself standing in the same exact spot. lost and wanting to have you back. wanting and wishing for a time machine so i can hug you and snuggle you.

i think it is hard to explain to people who don't understand. i stopped doing that a long time ago. i figure they don't know true love and i actually feel sorry for them. i feel sorry that they don't know the secret. and i truly believe that this little secret in the dog world far surpasses the beauty of motherhood. but, i say that not knowing motherhood so what do i really know?

Schultz gave me so much. He taught me things i didn't have a clue about. Patience, Compassion, Trust, more Patience but most of all he taught me how to love openly and with all of my heart. ( well, the combination of Geoff and Schultz helped me with that if i'm being honest ) but the love i have still for him is so alive and real.

when we first lost Schultz i would wonder how long this was going to last. how long will i feel like i'm suffocating in my own shell! how long will it take to feel ok? if i could just get to being ok i would soon not feel like i was buried alive. it destroyed me. and after all this time. after all of these seconds, it is hard to admit that it's still there. like a giant paper weight ready to smash down on my head.

what i never realized was how much of you, they take with them. something changes in your core. it's beyond the life record scratch. it digs deep and says to bad, you can't have this part of you anymore. the light doesn't shine as bright. and you think. i'm a grown up (insert laughing) i'm supposed to be able to handle this with grace and dignity why am i acting like an infant? heart crushing, sole destruction is not easy to recover from. and yet i know that my future holds many more of these moments.

i think it is hard not to think about those moments although i try to pause the giant fuck off button in my head to make it stop. the hardest part is realizing that if you had only known how fast it was going to go would you have appreciated it more? and once you know and appreciate that, it is very hard to absorb every second and still not come out with the same result. it is flying by. and it is flying at plaid speed.

i understand the words that Geoff says to me. when he tells me that you can enjoy the now and enjoy what they give you during the time they are with us. i truly do understand that. it doesn't mean i have to like it nor does it feel fair to me. i think the most beautiful and cruelest thing god or whatever gave us was a dog. because my love for them goes all the way to the depths of my being. and i can admit. i am afraid sometimes. and maybe that's the part of adulting that we don't get. we don't think it's ok to feel like that. i don't know.....

anyway, i digress. the point is i miss you Schultzy. i love you and not a second goes by without you in my heart every single day.

until we meet again mr. fuzzy pants
xo
mummy

So Far Away...Doesn't anybody stay in place anymore?

oh my little blog page. you have been lost to me over the last three years. but the bitch is back, full throttle. you know, i use to think that trying to find good help in the technology industry was next to impossible. i've still got a major bone to pick with god-dammed millennials, but seriously how friggen hard is it to find help at making sandwiches? APPARENTLY REALLY FUCKING HARD! 

entry one: mother's hours. work 4 hours a day to help cover the lunch shift. DAY ONE! calls out. and so on and so on and so on. now, i know that the state loves to send people to classes to receive their certificate in safe food handling. and i agree there are some things to learn. in my sad little opinion wouldn't you think that sneezing away from the sandwich board and towards the griddle without covering your mouth is not OK? why the fuck am i the ass hole because i didn't ask that you cover you pneumonia trap i demanded it!

entry two: it's like the universe just can't quit sending me these people. my adoptive mothers friends aunts daughters dog is sick. sigh.....please ignore me whilst i pretend to be SCARLET OHARA and dramatically bash my head into the wall. 

entry three: the wayward millennial who didn't graduate from high school but has an opinion about pretty much every topic. and trust me, when i tell you, its not worth the effort. i suggested life goals and a plan and was told to not so politely bugger off. well, let me help lay out your path for you yoda. you have no desire to get your GED you are hung up with service guys who are in their early 20's hopping from port to port. you WILL end up pregnant by multiple daddy donors and you will become another victim of your own stupidity. 

i hate millennials with a physical passion. please! just one of you prove me wrong. it would make me so happy. its not just me either. so often i have customers come into the shop so upset they can't see straight. it always comes back to trying to find good help. you know why most of GENXers will be working well into our 70's? because these lazy, trophy wanna be's can't tie their own fucking shoes let alone be bothered to actually work. its truly sad. there is a customer who owns a landscaping business who cannot for the life of him figure out why these kids won't work. he pays a very good wage, benefits, time-off the full package. but when we got bombarded with snow a couple winters back he was left high and dry looking for help. i mean where is the loyalty. you don't have to do the job forever but at least be a decent human being. there lyes the problem we are raising a society of baby-dults who want their independence as long as they can stay on the payroll of mommy and daddy. 

and you know what? i don't lead a glamorous life. i have a fucking fantastic life. but it doesn't come for free. you want nice things you work towards that. simple. plain jane simple fucking rules to follow. when you're 19 you don't get to buy a sweatshirt for $125 and bitch about not having any money when you live at fucking home for free! there are hundreds and thousands of kids that are grateful i am not their mother. and you know what? i'm pretty fucking happy you're not my kid!

until next time.....

Good Grief - Here We Go Again........

You'll have to excuse me. I'm in the throws of trying to quit cold turkey and the world in general has begun to radically piss me off. I typically try to steer clear of anything that has anything to do with the festering blister known as the news media. but i cannot stay quiet for one more moment.

 

first a short letter to chris matthews and msnbc and nbc and all of their affiliates. dear people, let's look at this statement objectively shall we? chris said "And I'm speaking now for all white people, but especially people who have had to try to change the last 50 or 60 years. And they -- a lot of them have really tried to change, and I'm sorry for this stuff. That's all I'm saying"

 

i hear you {translation FUCK OFF} chirs, it is apparent that your job has afforded you a status of self righteousness. this is quite sad really. when you fall and you will fall nobody will even notice. you are not my voice. what would ever possess you into thinking that you were the VOICE for all white people. who says that? to be honest {i'm about to be very rude indeed} you are a tool. a vehicle for stupidity. a voice that does not and never will speak for the masses but one that will speak for whichever will get him the most attention. you should have stayed on the boob a bit longer as a child. but based on what i have seen about you over the last ohhh i don't know way to many years you actually belive your own drivel. you know what black people said.....what an dumb ass crackah. i want to make sure that we are talking about the same issues here mr. matthews. are we discussing the fact that mr. zimmerman shot a teenager had his day in court and was found not guilty. is that what you are apologizing for? or are you apologizing for slavery? personally as a white person i can't apologize for any of it. should we forget? no not what i'm saying. but i can't be blamed for something that happened over 150 years ago. jesus suffering christ, we need to move on. i don't say that flippantly.

 

sincerely - renee pike

 

i've had it with the worlds mouth breathers sucking up precious oxygen in my universe. go to your own fucking island. the other day i was told by a hairy legged tree hugging douche bag that the reason that "these people" don't care about society is because society "doesn't care about them".  oh that's just a bunch of bollocks. you say that because you had a shit time as a teenager and can't seem to get over the fact that you weren't prom queen. so you make yourself out to be the fucking fairy god mother to the great land of who gives a rats ass. i care god dammit. i care about these kids being raised in a society that enables them to become greater enablers. i care about these kids who don't know what the fuck it's like to go to school and not worry about being bombed or shot or stabbed by some maniac that society did everything in their fucking power to save and rehabilitate. i worry about these 20 somethings who have no fucking capacity to wipe their own arse without getting a pep talk from their parents. i worry every day what it will be like when i'm 80 years old [that's assuming i live that long] with this generation of kids helping me out. they can't make a bologna sandwich for christ sakes you think they can entertain me? hell no, i'll be living in the back woods with my guns and my dogs fryin rabbit. so to hairy legs i say this. go get a fucking clue. i'll even buy you one. i hear they are on sale at fucking goodwill. and not shaving your legs or using deodorant does not make any kind of political statement. i'm just sayin......

 

so call me what you will

but, i do care, greatly. i love. i share. i feed others when i can. i would give everything i had for somebody if they needed it. but i do it on my terms. i don't need a media outlet to cover my story. i got what i need. its good enough for me and so are cookies.

 

peace out - happy fucking weekend.

 

musical inspiration here

Crap

3.5 months without blogging and i feel like i've ditched one of my best friends for life. jerk blog. you makame crazy with all your neediness and attention.

where have i been? right here, logging in and logging out. i've got a serious case of bloggahblock. when i don't laugh at my own shenanigans i'm fairly certain you won't either. i've got pissy pants. not literally it's a phrase and i'm confident that i can find a diaper to fit in the event this should happen to my beer soaked bladder.

so heres the thing folks:

• i'm not over the bruins loss to chicago. although i believe chicago deserved their win. 
• it's mid july and you know what the means?
• it's almost fall
• i haven't exercised in i can't tell you how long
• hence my really shitastic mood
• i've been gardening like ant betsy [that i love]
• my dogs are growing up to fast and it makes me wish i was a bad witch so i could turn back time. not cher turn back time. but, for real
• i'm hungry all the time and there is only one reason to be this hungry all the time. i have no idea what my excuse is.
• i'm just a little ball of french fried hate
• there are a couple of rules i live by which i recently broke one and will add a new one. there are two things you never talk about in a bar religion or politics. although i don't frequent the bars as much anymore its still a good piece of advice. 
• my addition - never move next door to family no matter how enticing and romantic you may think it is. the brady bunch has got nothing on this. 

so you see where the shiz is at somewhat. lots of good stuff happening this summer however, 

• gone camping
• took kayaks out with geoff
• deck is re stained
• my gardens look bad ass 
• geoff still has a fine ass
• my dogs are awesome
• i got to see friends i haven't seen in forever
• i'm going to see zac brown
• folk festival in july 
• matt goody is coming up to the lake this year
• geoff and i will be celebrating 17 years of maawwige in august

it's all good...i'm just busy, and when one is busy they've no time for bloggin even though i've a shit ton to blog about.

so peace out suckas i'll try and get my shit in one sock and grace you with my brilliant sarcasm soon.

musical inspiration here

Hoppin Down The Bunny Trail

Happy Commercialized Jesus has risen day. 

A Turbulent Rant: Millennials

I'm going to start this post by apologizing for a couple of things. 1. My intention is not to stereotype but it will certainly come across that way. My assumption is that you either get it or you don't. 2. Not a friendly post for Good Friday...so pardon me Jesus while I bash humanity. 

Geoff and I went out to dinner last night and had the most unfortunate pleasure of sitting next to two of the most self righteous and ignorant people I have ever come across. I've ranted about Millennials before and the "Entitlement" society. I've managed these people to no success. I've read books on them, I've studied them, I've nearly broken my own spirit in trying to find a way that will motivate them to be "something." I'm a little jaded when it comes to this generation because most of them, not all don't get it. 

As we sat down we were bombarded by this 20 somethings booming voice. Obviously in need of attention and yet what an absolute moron. First we got to hear about how she got her cat for $30 from a lady who owned, "like, oh my gawd, like 4 cats. She was like, totally crazy cat lady and totally like smelled and I totally like couldn't believe I was getting my cat from her."{turbulent rant: why buy the cat? really four cats? you think that defines someone as a crazy cat lady? and how did you come across said crazy cat lady? you haven't put your phone down the entire time you were speaking. your voice is like nails on a chalk board. oh, what's that? you don't know what a chalk board is. well let me scrape my utensils together for 10 min. there, have i made my point?}

Insert Renee raised eyebrow.

"Oh my gawd, like the snow. I'm so totally glad I've got the Winter button in my car. I like totally hit it like when it snowed. And I was sooooo totally safe. Insert double eyebrow raise and a look at Geoff of complete shock.{turbulent rant: you are a complete idiot! the "winter button" on your car does not "make you safe" tool. your ability to drive a car makes you safe. based on the fact that you did not drive off a cliff and are sitting here ruining my life i could conclude that you are a safe driver but yet.....}

Guy Friend: Didn't you like get in an accident in your Moms car? Oh yeah but that was only like $150. No big deal. Guy: But what was the damage? Oh, it was like $1500 but her insurance paid for that. That's why I don't drive her stupid Volvo anymore. Its basically a total like piece of crap. {turbulent rant: you don't drive that piece of crap volvo anymore because your mother hates you and wishes she had given you away!}

The 20 something guy: Yeah, I miss my Jeep's. {notice that is plural on Jeep's} but I like {i didn't know guys talked "like" this.} had to buy a new car and I like am saving $250 on gas a month. Insert Geoff nearly blowing his drink out his nose. {turbulent rant: do the math people. just do the math. this entire statement explains itself.}

"Oh, I totally know. My car broke down in the parking lot at the mall and I just left it there. And like when I came back there was this looser parking guy who was like writing me this ticket. And I was like  oh my gawd, you're wasting all this time writing me a warning. Do you not see all the spaces that are left over. Its like sooooo stupid. And I like totally told him that. {turbulent rant: no you didn't. you didn't say anything and even if you did that dumb looser parking guy who protects the people at the mall and ensures that there are no bombs going off couldn't get past totally, like, oh my gawd this girl is soooo stupid and i just completed 2 tours to protect this? its called homeland security sunshine it's not just for airports you dumb @#$%$#$%^^}

And then I like had to call someone because I like totally locked my keys in the car. And then the alarm went off and it was like THE most embarrassing moment of life. {turbulent rant: that was not the most embarrassing moment of your life. this, right here this moment is your most embarrassing moment. because you had the unfortunate moment of fate with me. and i'm preserving your moment forever in the stratosphere.}

Insert guy laughing: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! {turbulent rant: i love you geoff, thank you for being a man!}

So yeah when it snowed last week, the plow guy didn't come by again for like another hour and there was this much snow blocking my driveway. {insert hand motion measuring about 40ft} and I like totally got stuck. Idiot plow guy.{turbulent rant: you should have hit your winter button. or maybe you should have gotten off your dead lazy ass and shoveled your driveway.}

Uggggg - I'm soooooo tired. I didn't get up until 3 today {that's PM people and it was 7pm} I'm so totally tired. My internal clock is set for like 2. {both Geoff and I are thinking 2 AM. If you are thinking that WRONG! she means 2 PM} So like the other day I had to work at 4PM and I like totally didn't get up until 3:45 and so I totally texted my boss to be like sorry dude, I'm going to be late. Like, whatever I don't see why he was so upset. Like I'm the first person to over sleep.{turbulent rant: get up!! you are wasting space in this universe by being lazy. and i promise you, when i dig up all my mason jars full of 20 dollar bills and go hide away on my island - ok my camper on a river or lake or beach. i will toast to you and laugh in your face knowing you are not being taken care of by me. and don't mess with me girl. if i have the unfortunate moment in my life where i'm in a home i "will" make your life a living hell. mark my words.}

And then my Dad called and I totally gave it back to him and answered the phone like "what did you do now" And he was like so not happy but whatever I was like, yeah take that Dad. He has Celtics tickets and was like the game is at 6 so like make sure you get up by 5. I was totally like yeah no way Dad. I've got plans on Sunday. {turbulent rant: it is sad that you don't recognize that your father is attempting to reach out to you because he loves you. you did not hatch from a pod in the fields of indiana. you were created by two people. who i'm sure believe you truly are hopeless and spend hours and hours fretting over what they did to make you such a bitch. i would tell them they did to much for you. and you little girl, if you were my daughter and you spoke to my husband like that you would experience the wrath of me and you would wish that you were never born.}

At this point I asked Kenny to make me another drink and to make it good one. Because one of two things was going to happen. I was going to take my plate and throw it like a frisbee in the hopes that it would cram into her mouth and make her SHUT UP! or I was going engage this pathetically spoiled self righteous entitled waste of space. Neither option seemed appropriate. 

It's sad. And Geoff and I left in complete horror that these kids are moments away from pro-creating. So you so called millennials that we all cater to. I don't like you. I have no use for you. Prove me wrong and I will be pleasantly surprised. Until then I stand firm on my opinion of you. 

Musical Inspiration here.

Friday? Where have you been all week?

get out of your chair

envision your own 

conga line

hear the song in your head

[it goes like this... dah dah dah dah dah dah!]

dance around your kitchen

and feel the greatness of friday morning.

it was 21 degrees on the dog walk this morning

i thought the days of freezing my fanny off

[literally]

were long gone. 

hopefully this is the final lash out of ole nasty winter.

and lets have a little stir the shit friday conversation 

i believe in marriage 

now matter who you are

love is love

and i don't understand why it bothers people so much.

i just saw a clip with marco rubio expressing the fact that 

just because he believes in 

"traditional"

marriage 

does not make him a biggot.

but doesn't it?

and if you're gonna go down the GOD path

didn't he create us all equal

in his vision

yet we threaten your ever after that GOD 

will not love you? 

Says who? Who had this conversation with GOD?

did you know GOD is DOG spelled backwards?

all these people who talk about wanting a 

happy society

block that possibility with their own bullshit

i'm happy that the state of maine voted the way they did.

even though we have a higher death rate than a birth rate. 

we are second to west virginia

and no worries nobody understands our accent either.

whats on tap for the weekend?

lots of errands tonight

going for long dog walks and 

campah shopping

and friends coming over

enjoy the weekend

open your hearts

be kind

and rock on..

friday musical inspiration here