It is August

I told Geoff I did not want to have any more dogs. I can't bare the pain of them being gone and my heart has a constant ache that has sat in my chest for nearly a year. In a few weeks we will approach the anniversary date of when Schultzy left us. And I cannot believe that it still hurts just as much today as it did on the very first second.

Growing up my family purchased a Norweigen Elkhound:

We named him Olav [Oh-lav] after King Olav V of Norway. This dog hated me. I was terrified of him. He never played with me just circled around me and pee'd on me. He didn't wrestle or play with me like he did my brothers his intent was always to wrestle me down on the ground and pin me. One night while we were watching TV he bit me. Well, rather maulled me. I had countless stitches in my face and nice chunk of skin snipped off my chin. It was terrible. I never really got over my fear of dogs until I met Geoff. With Geoff you either loved the dogs or you were out. It was an easy choice.

Its funny how you can see it in a dogs eyes. The ones that you should just stay away from. They don't have that sparkle...its just black and angry. I'm still hesitant going up to a dog I don't know. But for the most part they are all pretty cool and funny. What amazes me even more is when the dog senses something is wrong. Like the time I was at the fort with Boris and a strange man came up to me while Geoff was down on the beach. Boris put himself right in front of me and started growling at the person. Within moments Geoff was there and the guy walked away. I don't even want to imagine it.

Or the time I got COMPLETELY lost in the woods with Ivan for four hours and was convinced I was never ever going to find my way out. Little did I know he knew exactly where he was the entire time. When I made the executive decision to cross the murky marsh Ivan swam right to the other side. I fell into mud up to my hip. I was one hundred percent stuck and sinking when Ivan swam back over to me. I grabbed his collar and he pulled me out. I can hear his words now. "Dumb Dumb"

Or the time I was super sick and Baxter climbed into bed with me and stayed with me the entire day. He never left my side.

So I find it difficult as we approach this time. I know that I'll have another dog. Someday. I know that we are going to name him "Steve". I know Geoff is right. I know that it is worth every moment and you wouldn't change any of it. But what I also know is that I still have this pain in my heart, a constant lump in my throat and the feeling that I'll burst into tears. I also live with the knowledge that I will experience this more than once in my life time. And, above all things. It just isn't fair.

Left to Right: "The Dude, Baxter, Schultz and Gretta Girl