A Turbulent Rant: Millennials

I'm going to start this post by apologizing for a couple of things. 1. My intention is not to stereotype but it will certainly come across that way. My assumption is that you either get it or you don't. 2. Not a friendly post for Good Friday...so pardon me Jesus while I bash humanity. 

Geoff and I went out to dinner last night and had the most unfortunate pleasure of sitting next to two of the most self righteous and ignorant people I have ever come across. I've ranted about Millennials before and the "Entitlement" society. I've managed these people to no success. I've read books on them, I've studied them, I've nearly broken my own spirit in trying to find a way that will motivate them to be "something." I'm a little jaded when it comes to this generation because most of them, not all don't get it. 

As we sat down we were bombarded by this 20 somethings booming voice. Obviously in need of attention and yet what an absolute moron. First we got to hear about how she got her cat for $30 from a lady who owned, "like, oh my gawd, like 4 cats. She was like, totally crazy cat lady and totally like smelled and I totally like couldn't believe I was getting my cat from her."{turbulent rant: why buy the cat? really four cats? you think that defines someone as a crazy cat lady? and how did you come across said crazy cat lady? you haven't put your phone down the entire time you were speaking. your voice is like nails on a chalk board. oh, what's that? you don't know what a chalk board is. well let me scrape my utensils together for 10 min. there, have i made my point?}

Insert Renee raised eyebrow.

"Oh my gawd, like the snow. I'm so totally glad I've got the Winter button in my car. I like totally hit it like when it snowed. And I was sooooo totally safe. Insert double eyebrow raise and a look at Geoff of complete shock.{turbulent rant: you are a complete idiot! the "winter button" on your car does not "make you safe" tool. your ability to drive a car makes you safe. based on the fact that you did not drive off a cliff and are sitting here ruining my life i could conclude that you are a safe driver but yet.....}

Guy Friend: Didn't you like get in an accident in your Moms car? Oh yeah but that was only like $150. No big deal. Guy: But what was the damage? Oh, it was like $1500 but her insurance paid for that. That's why I don't drive her stupid Volvo anymore. Its basically a total like piece of crap. {turbulent rant: you don't drive that piece of crap volvo anymore because your mother hates you and wishes she had given you away!}

The 20 something guy: Yeah, I miss my Jeep's. {notice that is plural on Jeep's} but I like {i didn't know guys talked "like" this.} had to buy a new car and I like am saving $250 on gas a month. Insert Geoff nearly blowing his drink out his nose. {turbulent rant: do the math people. just do the math. this entire statement explains itself.}

"Oh, I totally know. My car broke down in the parking lot at the mall and I just left it there. And like when I came back there was this looser parking guy who was like writing me this ticket. And I was like  oh my gawd, you're wasting all this time writing me a warning. Do you not see all the spaces that are left over. Its like sooooo stupid. And I like totally told him that. {turbulent rant: no you didn't. you didn't say anything and even if you did that dumb looser parking guy who protects the people at the mall and ensures that there are no bombs going off couldn't get past totally, like, oh my gawd this girl is soooo stupid and i just completed 2 tours to protect this? its called homeland security sunshine it's not just for airports you dumb @#$%$#$%^^}

And then I like had to call someone because I like totally locked my keys in the car. And then the alarm went off and it was like THE most embarrassing moment of life. {turbulent rant: that was not the most embarrassing moment of your life. this, right here this moment is your most embarrassing moment. because you had the unfortunate moment of fate with me. and i'm preserving your moment forever in the stratosphere.}

Insert guy laughing: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! {turbulent rant: i love you geoff, thank you for being a man!}

So yeah when it snowed last week, the plow guy didn't come by again for like another hour and there was this much snow blocking my driveway. {insert hand motion measuring about 40ft} and I like totally got stuck. Idiot plow guy.{turbulent rant: you should have hit your winter button. or maybe you should have gotten off your dead lazy ass and shoveled your driveway.}

Uggggg - I'm soooooo tired. I didn't get up until 3 today {that's PM people and it was 7pm} I'm so totally tired. My internal clock is set for like 2. {both Geoff and I are thinking 2 AM. If you are thinking that WRONG! she means 2 PM} So like the other day I had to work at 4PM and I like totally didn't get up until 3:45 and so I totally texted my boss to be like sorry dude, I'm going to be late. Like, whatever I don't see why he was so upset. Like I'm the first person to over sleep.{turbulent rant: get up!! you are wasting space in this universe by being lazy. and i promise you, when i dig up all my mason jars full of 20 dollar bills and go hide away on my island - ok my camper on a river or lake or beach. i will toast to you and laugh in your face knowing you are not being taken care of by me. and don't mess with me girl. if i have the unfortunate moment in my life where i'm in a home i "will" make your life a living hell. mark my words.}

And then my Dad called and I totally gave it back to him and answered the phone like "what did you do now" And he was like so not happy but whatever I was like, yeah take that Dad. He has Celtics tickets and was like the game is at 6 so like make sure you get up by 5. I was totally like yeah no way Dad. I've got plans on Sunday. {turbulent rant: it is sad that you don't recognize that your father is attempting to reach out to you because he loves you. you did not hatch from a pod in the fields of indiana. you were created by two people. who i'm sure believe you truly are hopeless and spend hours and hours fretting over what they did to make you such a bitch. i would tell them they did to much for you. and you little girl, if you were my daughter and you spoke to my husband like that you would experience the wrath of me and you would wish that you were never born.}

At this point I asked Kenny to make me another drink and to make it good one. Because one of two things was going to happen. I was going to take my plate and throw it like a frisbee in the hopes that it would cram into her mouth and make her SHUT UP! or I was going engage this pathetically spoiled self righteous entitled waste of space. Neither option seemed appropriate. 

It's sad. And Geoff and I left in complete horror that these kids are moments away from pro-creating. So you so called millennials that we all cater to. I don't like you. I have no use for you. Prove me wrong and I will be pleasantly surprised. Until then I stand firm on my opinion of you. 

Musical Inspiration here.