Today I'm Four-T

I have been thinking a lot about this post over the last few months. I have such anxiety about leaving behind my 30's and starting another DECADE. What I find most discomforting is I don't feel 40...I feel more like 16 - 20 - 25. Certainly not 40. Here is what I've concluded

In my younger years I was always searching searching searching. Although it wasn't really clear to me what I was searching so hard for.

When I was 16 I met the definition of what  I wanted

When I was 18 I stole my fathers car and ran away to California.

When I was 19 I came home from California

When I was 19 I made the biggest mistake of my life

When I was 20 I met the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm acutely aware of how quickly it is all moving. I look at myself and I feel the same. I got some girth compared to my svelte 20 self but not to shabby. I have Geoff, an amazing Dude man, family, friends, job and life. And it scares the crap out of me. Now, I'm not searching. I found it. And its going way to fast. My life has gone to plaid!

It hasn't come without its struggles and hardships. Although I like to think that my life has been gifted to me on a platinum platter, I've certainly put my best foot forward. I've always been determined to get what I want no matter how hard I have to work for it. And for the most part that has worked out for me. And this got me thinking about how I got to be who I am today. I don't really know the answer to that but I have some theory's.

When I was 9 I was attacked by our family dog. I had a ridiculous amount of stitches in my face and under my chin. A week later I begged my mother to take me into school so I could get my things and see my friends. I walked right into that class room like, see?? no big deal folks just a couple scratches but no big deal. NO BIG DEAL???? REALLY???? I never saw my scars. I never looked at my face and thought it was flawed. I got bit by a dog what do you expect? And do you know to this day some dummy will ask me: What is that on your chin?? A hickey? And my response has been the same all these years. No ass-hole I got bit by a dog? There do you feel stupid now? Good!

I baby stepped my way through my career. But I worked my fanny off proving myself along the way. No was never an option unless of course it was a "hard" NO! Nobody handed me anything or made it so easy that it was a no brainer. I'm good with that. I never got in trouble with out a consequence. Thus I learned to not get caught..[sorry mom and dad, some things must remain sacred]

I've been squashed, punched, kicked, verbally assaulted and I never gave up. I never give up. So now that I stopped "searching" I would also like it if time slowed down just a bit.

No wonder when you are elderly you can't remember things! It goes by so fast  you can't believe that much time has gone by. And that bridge game you played with Phyllis didn't that just happen last week?

I've set no ridiculous goals for this year. I think the most important thing to do is to be sure that I'm looking outside the bubble and enjoying as much as I can!

Don't you????