A Walk With My Maaahhhh ~ Posting from The Dude ~

So, you know sometimes? When you wake up in the morning? Sometimes I wake up a couple of times during the night just to see if it is morning time yet. It is hard to tell because I don't have a clock in my room so I have to rely on ancient methods which is also challenging because there are curtains on the windows so I can't see the stars. I guess maybe its just my awesome k-9 powers, or it could be because someone opened the door to my crate.

It takes me about 15.767oneandone seconds to wake up. First I do my yoga because I've read that it helps improve body functions. A little downward dog, a little upward dog and then alms....I'm not embarrassed by this process at all. I have a nice big wake up yawn and say AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUP. And yes, Dudes can pronounce the letter P.

Dudes also have the distinct pleasure of a little bed wrestle time. This in Dudes opinion is the only way to start your morning right. Bed wrestle consist of the following:

• making sure that your challenger is breathing by smothering their face with yours
• a slight nose or chin nibble to inform them of your presence and to alert them that "THE OSKARNATOR" is about to attack
• springing up onto the bed
• body slamming your challenger until you hear a loud "OOOOOOOF"
• wiggle on them while whacking them in the face with your tail.
• taking notice to see if they are getting up OR if they need another body slam.

Once Dudes Maaaahh shuffles out of bed I have to bring her downstairs all the while telling her that she needs to hurry up because we might miss the bus. And I get a tad bit over excited about morning walks. Well its pretty much Christmas Morning every day. Plus I'm anxious to see if Steve has shown up yet. I also have to remind her to put my Blinky Collar on [cause its dark out and she is afraid that I might get lost. i would argue that she is just afraid of the dark based on the gigantic flash light she carries] I remind her to make her coffee, grab the dog cookies, check the weather and to HURRY UP!

I imagine that it must be awful not having fur because she puts on a hat, a fleece, wind-pants, boots and a jacket. Sometimes she brings fuzzy things for her hands which are a little unsettling because they make her look like she has doll hands. I like stuffed animals. Dolls not so much. I'm pretty happy all I have to put on is a blinky shirt. I'm prepackaged with the rest of the stuff.

Then we are off ~ FINALLY! Dudes get pretty hungry and I know that her jacket pocket is filled to the rim with snacks for me. So I proceed to inform her that I am very very VERY hungry. Dudes have some seriously sweet eyes and I can pour on the charm fast and furious. I gaze very lovingly at "the pocket" of goodness. If she ignores me I will tell her so. Sometimes she mumbles something about "please Oskar let me get one sip of coffee" which I think WELL! what have you been doing all this time. Chop chop lady Dudes are on a schedule. If I'm feeling lucky sometimes I punch her in the arm while she is sipping that coffee just to see what happens. I'm sweet yes, but Dudes like to have a little fun too. Then we wait for my stupid brother Gus and my U.H. [Unkle Holly]

Sometimes we see awesome stuff on the walk. Like P-pines, which I'm terrified of ever since my dumb brother told me to try and bite it. Not only did I do this once but I did it twice. He laughed really hard at me and if I didn't have quills sticking out of my face I would have torn his throat out. Even SCHULTZY was laughing at me....so, I try and stay away from those. ANd sometimes....sometimes my brain dead brother plays with p-pines. Trying to coerce me into joining him. He will jump up and down and all around barking like mad at them. UH she gets really angry, sometimes, she gets so angry that me and my maaaahhhh have a little chuckle. Maaaaahhh says that one of these days  dumb dumb Gus isn't gonna be so lucky. I'm always waiting for that unlucky day............... No, really Dudes are.

Sometimes we find black and white cats just lurking about. This drives my maaaah crazy cause I just want to say good morning. I mean seriously, Dudes gotta have manners and we are all sharing the same space so I always feel it best to let them know I'm there. They gotta scent that ligermanates on ya but I don't mind. Maaaaahhhh has a tough time with it. She gags, and lurches and its super funny to watch. I try to stay right by her...."you gonna get sick maaaah? you gonna throw up chucks maaahhhhh? lets get to the grass maaaahhhh, hurry no getting sick on the hard top or the house or the car or restaurants or movie theaters etc. getting sick has lots of rules. i would like to meet that person who came up with all those rules. i mean sometimes, Dudes gotta do what Dudes gotta do and Dudes don't care."

There are four separate occassionmatations that Dudes get Dude Snacks. Cookie Corner One, Cookie Corner Two, Cookie Corner Threee and when we get back to the car. On Fridays!!! Fridays are the motherload and both my maaaaahhh and my UH are always happiest on these days. When we get back to the car it is literally a COOKIE BONANZAMANATION!!!!! Unless we see Ghost Lady then we have to bark really loud and mean at her. She got the name from my maaaahhhhh cause you see her and then you don't. I can smell her. Another thing my maaaahhhh doesn't have. A good hoover to sniff with. She's always on me to get movin and I'm always on her to relax....kick it and smell the flowers maaaaah.

And that is how I start every week day with my Maaaaaahhhhhhhh.

The End

xo ~ The Dude