I Have Often Said.......

When I grow up I want to be as dumb as my parents. There are some people who get quite upset by this statement. A resounding GA-FAW of how dare you disparage your parents in such a light? Easy, don't you know I'm a devil spawn? Liten-Up Francis its just an expression. My parents get it. "They" think it is funny. But I'm here to share with you nay sayer's the truth behind the fiction.

First let me say this. I'm on to you MOM! All these years letting me think you had some crazy witch power and a magic crystal ball. It is otherwise known as plotting and planning. For example at the age of three I was a plotter AND a planner. Growing up with the most *ungrateful brothers in the universe required mad survival skills. I blame them both for my jagged tough exterior. "Thou Shall NOT Show Fear, Pain or WEAKNESS! in the eyes of your brothers." On this fine day of my third year I took scissors and gracefully chopped the front of my hair off. Put the clippings in between my brothers clothes. Ran down stairs screaming and crying that the delinquents had cut my hair.

Plotted, Planned and Executed to perfection. I knew my cover would get blown eventually but it was well worth those few precious moments to see them poop their pants. I told you...devil spawn.

You must remember telling your parents over and over again.

• YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
• YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE!!!
• THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!
• I'M MOVING OUT!!!

Which was followed up with:

• Yes we do
• Yes we do
• Life is unfair
• Good Luck with that.

I must be one of the most hard headed, stubborn, tenacious people I know. When I expressed to my parents that Elvis had died at the tender age of five. I was as I've written before sent to my room. There I sat. Plotting and Planning. My plotting started out with me running away and was quickly diminished by the fact that I had to walk past both of them to leave the house. Harrumph. Execution failed.

When my MOM on the off occasion would by Sugar Corn Pops I would Plot the time I would get up and Plan on eating the entire box before my brothers could have any. Except that woman who has the sixth sense would hide them in a cabinet that was unattainable even with a chair. Execution failed again.

And so I find that as I've gotten older [ which does not necessarily mean that I've matured ] my relationship with my parents has totally changed. I love that they treat me like a person and not a fragile chicken. They let me make my own mistakes. And, when I come back with execution failure they tell me its OK. And I find that I say and do things just like my Mom or Dad. This makes me chuckle. Because I'm suddenly almost as dumb as they are. For two people I thought didn't know a thing.....they sure do know a ton about me and thankfully so! I wonder what they would do if I moved back into the house [ insert GIANT laughing ] just kidding guys. My Dads eye just started twitching....haHA!

Thanks Mom -n- Dad for letting me make all those mistakes and making me jump back on that horse even when I didn't want to. Thanks for putting up with allllllllllll my dramatics. Just trying to keep  you on your toes.


Now, about those Billy Joel tickets.................