63,113,852 seconds

I have thought of you for every single one of them. Your physical presence in our lives is a hole that nothing seems to fill. Your leaving has changed us forever. I often wonder at your ability to still impact us. We have never stopped loving you. Not for 63,113,852 seconds and not for many more to come.

You have made some funny transformations over the past year. You have become the Great Punami who demands three wishes for himself. We've donned you with Genie pants and a giant turban with a blinky collar around it. You are, in our thoughts, as funny as you were in life.

I have been thinking a lot about when we first brought you home. Those first few walks on the ole stomping grounds just me and you. When you found the dead cat and I screamed out loud, heart pounding. Only to have some guy appear from nowhere and ask me if I was OK. I wasn't sure which one actually scared me more.

I can still see you running up the hill at The Dodge Farm with its high green grass that nearly swallowed you whole. Your determined face and stride to stay in front of me. And your pure exhaustion when getting to the top.

I drove you around in my Volkswagen, you in your crate trying to acclimate you to riding in a car. You barked incessantly regardless of how long I drove or how long I sat in the parking lot of Wal-Mart in hopes that you would stop!! You never did.....NEVER.

I see you pouncing that shrub. I'm not exactly sure what that shrub did to you but you were fairly consistent with your daily beatings of this thing. Until of course it died. Mission accomplished.

I was terrified in those days of taking the walks we did. Especially when it got dark. I was afraid of every noise and of you getting lost. The photo of us with my GIANT flash light looking for you over my shoulder. You looking right at the camera with glowing eyes laughing at me. Your voice rings loud and clear - "Look at her Dad.....Stupid"

I can still see you all fluffy and furry at our first dog show. You were so little and so stubborn even then.

I can remember the nights I lay in bed. You curled up snoring by my side. You were a loud snorer. I would think about the day that was to come. It hurt even then. I was sure that I would break from the experience. You, who came into my life as if you were always there. As if it were meant to be. And yet I somehow allowed myself to think that the day would never come. That you would actually be with me forever.

And yet.

You are with me forever. Just not in the way that I want you to be.

Today, I remember all the wonderful things you gave me in the short 13 years we had together. Love, Patience, Friendship, Understanding, Courage, Compassion and Strength. You made me a better person Schultzy. I will continue loving you for every single second of my life.

Forever comes in many different ways fuzzy pants.
I love you,

Mummy

Schultzy's Song