Hello! My Name Is Google Maps!

When the weather starts to get a little nice I notice that people tend to come out of hibernation. An obvious observation I know, however I feel this change a little more often than the average bear...Hey Boo Boo! You see I have concluded that I have a face that looks like a MAP. It does not matter where I am, somebody is bound to come up to me and ask..."excuse me, would you happen to know where blahh blahh blahhh is?" To which I kindly reply yes I do and I give out directions. Hey I'm always happy to earn a few extra God points at minimum effort.

But, something has changed in the atmosphere for those lost souls. I take issue with the fact that someone would be upset with me because I do NOT know where a particular destination is. In fact, I find it ridiculous that people will badger me until I say yes of course now I know where you are talking about. So let me please express to you that I do not know where the: Girls Scouts are, The Copier Place, The Button Factory [which is no longer the Button Factory you IDIOTS] I do not know why you cannot find 957 when clearly you are standing at 951. I do not know where your eye doctor is. I'm assuming this is your first visit and not due to the fact of a bad prescription...Ahhhhh Mistah Magoo Mistah Magooo. I have no idea where you should park in Downtown Portsmouth for optimal parking to the Restaurant I just gave you directions to. You lost souls will have to attempt to sort it out for yourself. I am done being badgered by you and I will start charging a fee. If you are that desperate I'm assuming that you will pay up.

Because some of you have been so brutal to my act of KINDNESS you have forced me to send you off into never never land. For example: One time I was at a concert drinking "The Doctor" out of a Dunkin Donuts cup. Two people came up to me wanting to know where they could get a coffee. I looked them square in the eye and I said....sure thing - go all the way down the side walk about 3 blocks....take a right another right one more block and then a left and a right. You should see it on your left. Why did I do this?? Because I was literally standing across the street from Dunkins and if your that stupid I'm sorry. Next time DON'T ASK ME! I've gone so far as to try and explain "complicated" directions...then give up. Once they stop repeating it their done for. I just send them off down the road. Keep going straight until you see the sign for 95 south. Go back to Mass where you belong and quit bothering me with your snootiness.

So for all of you lost soles out there here are some suggestions for your point A to B convenience

1. Purchase a TomTom GPS - this solution promises to be more specific than me.

2. Google Maps yup even the Googles are a better source than me.

3. MapQuest - an ole stand buy that is waiting to service your driving destination needs. Go ahead just enter the address and you will be amazed!!!!

4. If you ask me for directions I will demand money. If you actually give me money I will give you the wrong directions. And when you do give me the money and I direct you in the absolute wrong direction - I will take video and post it on my blog.

Happy Driving!!!

~ yup every now and then I do really mean stuff.